I almost had a panic attack last night. I don't have any medication so instead of being abou to stop it in its tracks, I was pre-panic for a few hours.

You know that feeling when you're really upset, and you feel everyone either doesn't notice or is like Jeez just get OVER it? That's how I feel.

All I want is a nice day to just lie in bed (with someone who cares) and have them just listen to me, and hear me cry and tell me it's gonna be okay. I so badly just want a hug. Last night I went to my ex-boyfriend Joe's house (yeah i don't know what I was thinking) but he's been really nice about everything, so I went to go watch a movie there, and all he wanted to do was kiss and makeout which wasn't my plan at all.

Joe is a teddy bear. Big bulky football player build, and gives great hugs. I was planning on him hugging me and telling me it's okay, you dontneed mike...but clearly that didnt happen. He had his own agenda and it had nothing to do with seeing if I was okay.

I'm not trying to be selfish (or maybe I am) but when is it going to be about me? It was always about Mike..and now everyone's like oh, its supposed to be about You. You're important...how can I feel important if no one else agrees that I am. Its hard to feel important when everyone makes you feel like youre not.

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I just dont even know. I'm sick of my hapiness being dependent on others.