Momotres...perhaps it would be a good idea if you stay here on the board...for some support for YOURSELF. Of all people, WE know how rsd can affect not only us, but our families. I'm getting into a mode right now where I am starting to feel sorry for myself, because I feel my illness is putting undue strain on my family (my SO and my son). Because I can't do much anymore, they have to "pick up my slack" where household duties are concerned. And when you have a home with 5 acres of property, there is a LOT of stuff to be done outside...which is where they usually focus their duties...and now they have to help with the laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. I feel very very guilty having to put that on them. They say they don't mind...but *I* mind!

And when WE get depressed...depression is CONTAGIOUS. It truly is. When someone you care deeply for is depressed - and many cp-ers (chronic painers) - get depressed, the loved ones become depressed as well. Because the loved ones feel "if only there was something I could DO to make them feel better...but there seems to be nothing!" Take the illness we have away, and think ONLY of the depression, and you still have the "if there was only someting I could do to make her happy again..." - and you'd still feel that was a power you should have for your child. But you DON'T have that power. There is nothing you can do to change that. And the same goes for RSD. There is nothing you can do for her, mom. Nothing except love her. And accept her for who she is, and pray for her.

There is a chance she may go into remission. Some ppl do. It's not COMMON that it happens...but it happens. And yeah, our pain meds are high. I go back to my pain doc today...and I'll have to ask for an increase. And I feel HORRIBLE doing that...cuz it seems every time I go, I have to ask for an increase. I'm starting to feel like a druggie! I know I'm not...my doc knows I'm not...my SO and son know I'm not....but for those who are on the "outside looking in," when they hear what meds I take, and calculate "how much it would sell for on the street," they think that since I can tolerate that high of a dosage and not appear stoned out of my gourd, I must be some kind of addict. But they don't realize that only those ppl who DON'T NEED THOSE DRUGS FOR PAIN will get "stoned out of their gourd" on those doses. Cuz the medication going to the "pain receptors" aren't needed in those people so it CAUSES the "stoned" feeling. In those of us who TRULY NEED IT, it works properly. That's how you can tell the difference between an addict, and someone truly in pain. So, your dd (darling daughter) has that going for her sometimes too.

I know how you feel. I do. I listen to what my SO says and although he's WONDERFUL, I know he didn't "sign up for this" when he met me. Sometimes I wonder why he stays with me. He certainly didn't MEET ME this way. I was a LOT better than I am now. I think I've gotten about 100 times worse over the past 2.5 years. I feel I've burdened him...but his love supercedes that I guess. And I love him even MORE for that, even MORE for sticking around, for caring for me, for LOVING ME still, regardless of my imperfectness. And I'm sure your dd sees that in you as well.

Yes, she's an amazing girl to go on like she is, regardless of her pain. Regardless of the struggle she is enduring. RSD is a MONSTER of a disease. But she's fighting it....and we can see why. With a mother like you by her side, a mom who cares as much as you do, who loves her in spite of her imperfectness, who cares for her and allows her to follow her dreams, 5 hours away from home, even though you probably worry your head off...you're letting her do what she dreams of doing. You're letting her do what RSD is trying to STOP her from doing. And that's VERY important right now. When she STOPS doing what she wants to do is when you worry. Right now, allow her this. Let her follow her heart, and her dreams....and you, mom...you keep on doing whatever it is you've been doing, and encourage her not to let her RSD stand in her way. She's stronger than this monster is. And so are you. Together the two of you will withstand it.

I'm actually encouraged by her. And I do hope you stick around, and share with us the stories of her success...and cry on our shoulders when you need to...and laugh with us when you can...and learn from us when you have to. And let us learn from you.

Hugs
LisaM