Thank you for your replys. I so needed to just talk about it, get it out into words. To honor my dad. Never forget those little things in life.

Things that I never thought growing up that where so important. Little things that dad did, or said, or not said. Those little things I think I miss the most.

When my husband and I built our house, we are only a mile away. I am glad we built here, close to our family and friends.

I had a very hard weekend. I still want my dad at home. A phone call away. We both suffered from spine problems and arthrites. He helped me so much. I still feel lost at times. I still feel scared. Scared of the unknown.

He passed from cancer. Went in for hearburn, 6 weeks latter he was gone. In Gods arms. People say, he is no longer in pain. But, us, family want to hold on forever, never wanting to let go.
I have to still find comfort in this. It seems the world is moving on, and I am at a stand still at times.

I am getting help now, going to a counsler. I should of done this a long time ago. As now, I numbed up my feelings. Emotions are numb, not wanting to feel. I know dad would not want me this way. I know he does not want me wasting my life away. But, to be a survivor. To fight with all I have.

I talked to my mom this morning. She is so strong. Why am I so weak? She told me, I took the passing the hardest.

I have been sick since I have been eight years old. I had to stop working in 1998. I wish I could find something to do to pass them time. I try. I really do try.

This time of the year is so hard for me. This summer I was doing very good. Did lots of stuff. Now winter, and up here winters are so long, so cold. It is like now what? I do not want to end up at that place I was last winter. I somehow have to fight.

Thank you for just listening to me. And if anyone has advice, I sure will take it.

Love to all.
Megs