So Ryan, is your name, "Chris"

Sorry, got a little confused with folks calling your ryan but reading your mom calling your Chris. LOL

maybe it's both...

in reading your story, which I've read about 3 times...

I've had to take a deep breath every other sentence...

It was like reliving those days over for myself...

I think I may have similar barking tics as you do...I think I may share some of your other tics...

but what your mom is going through is similar to what my mom went through and probably still goes through from time to time...

her anguish and tears are PROBABLY mostly with herself...her own guilt...

she probably has asked these questions million of times:

"Why my baby?"
"why did I give it to him? Why did his father give it to him?"
"Why won't people understand? Why do they laugh at him? Why do they tease him?"
"Why, God, did you have to do this to him?" (and of course, there is the conflict of questioning God)

of course she probably asks more questions than that and eachtime she asks those questions, it ends up looping back to herself...her own guilt, which then could manifest itself into different emotions such as anger, sadness. If she was impatient or moody, it could mostly come from her own battles...

but there is something in your story that have touched me...

your self-insight...I wish I had your self insight when I was your age...

I ended up hating the world and gave up on myself and everybody...

I didn't hear that in your tone...

you have a positive in your negatives...

you laugh with those that laugh at you...I didn't learn that til later..

I am not sure if Crazy Charlie gave you TS.

TSers are known to have Trigger point(ages) and a lot of us get triggered and then the tics then take on a life of their own...

boy, sorry to post such a long post...don't want to bore you

just wanted to come and say hi and say that you are one heckit of a young man and that your mom should be very proud of you...and she is...

but currently, she probably is and will be blinded with her own guilt (this is NOT a criticism) and that will be something that she has to work through...but with your understanding and support, she is going to be OK...

my mother's eureka moment came after my father passed away...*sigh....

I hope you will post this memoir in the TS forum...it will probably help a lot of other parents that are trying to so hard to find a cure for their kids...when all along, the cure is within those that have it...

nice to meet you!

moi