Renee, so sorry you are going through this. In some ways it sounds to me that he actually does know what he wants -- very simply, for HIS needs to be met. Even just evidenced by wanting (and expecting?) you to be there when he needs a sounding board in good times and bad. From what you've written it seems to me that he's approaching all of this in a very self-centered manner. I don't know if he's a reasonable man or not but if he's willing to listen, it sounds like it's time for him to hear what YOU need (I agree with the boundaries) and what your kids need. Time to stop thinking about only himself -- and if he really does love you and your kids, hopefully he'll understand.