I left an abusive manipulative ex a long time ago. it more about boundaries for yourself, and your children. He MUST pay child support, and his other obligations. Dont allow him to use HIS responsibilites as YOUR swinging door. PLEASE dont allow his lack of planing to become your emergency. As for visits with grandparents TWO hours away in a home wallpapered with social services reports, um NO! He can come stay in a local motel, and visit everyday for a week. He can crash on the couch and plan a week's worth of stuff, but until the children become more stabilized in this whole upheaval, tell him you are NOT letting them out of YOUR comfort zone. YES he has been fair with money, but that doesnt make it OK for him to be UNfair with you.

I think you have received some great advice.