HI again BP... YES! you are in very good company - amazing, isn't it?!!

I know exactly what you are referring to when you say: "I don't feel myself". I felt very medicated on Effexor - nightmares, dry mouth - all bad side effects - I was a classic case - and withdrawal was a nightmare... talk about manic!

It takes a lot of work - there is no easy answer and no easy drug. I don't know what to offer except to say - trust your "gut" and your natural instincts - if it isn't feel "normal" to you - then it isn't. Tell you doctor and if he doesn't "get it" - keep looking until you find someone who understands.

Many antidepressants heightened my manic state - and finally, after several trials and horrible withdrawal, the doctors and I settled on Celexa. That isn't to say it will work for you - but it is a med that allows me to be me. Its my miracle drug - that and a wonderful therapist.

Whenever I feel I am going over the edge again, along with my docs advice, we up my medication (and put it back down when I even out again) - it has worked for about 4 years now. Right now, I am on a stress/depression leave from work - I take care of myself now - I recognize the symptoms and I embrace the knowledge that I know what to do to make myself healthy again.

Hang in there - its not necessary to tell people you are Bipolar. Most will never understand or take the time to understand. It scares them. You'll know when its ok and feels right to tell them.

Glad your poison ivy is clearing up - what a nuisance!

Note that physical compounds the pain of the mental - never underestimate the power of the two of them together! If you feel you need to rest - then rest - it is your body and your mind taking the time to heal.

It didn't happen over night - and it won't get better overnight.

take care - I'm here if you ever have any questions - and don't forget - there is a bipolar forum here, too.