Oh, KJ, listen to what BMW said. She's a smart woman, and very right this time. What you did was to make a sacrifice in hopes to improve the lives of your children. What is a sacrifice after all? It means giving up a certain part of your own happiness for the benefit of others. And that's just what you did. You have every right to love your children and want to be part of their life. No matter what people may say, you didn't "abandon" them. And they will always be of your own blood. I hope things work out in a way that will let you re-establish your ralationship with your kids. Good luck, KJ, and all my best wishes.