July 9th was the anniversary of my DH's death....7 years ago. I try hard not to focus on the anniversary of his death but more so on the memories of the happy and fun times we shared. Of course, I can't help but remember the date...but I find that the more I anticipate it the harder it is to deal with. It's gonna come no matter what I do so I've decided that from here on out - on that date every year.....7/9.....I'm going to do something kind for someone else but never let them know who did it. It will make me feel better and will also make someone else happy.
Both my Mom and Dad passed in 2005 and although they were elderly and had good, long lives I still wasn't ready to let them go. I miss them terribly.
You've got a lot to deal with. You're definitely not weak. You're hurting...and we all deal with death differently and in our own time and our own way. There is no right or wrong.
I hope things get a little easier to deal with. I totally understand where you're coming from, though.