((((((BJ)))))),



I'm not BP so I don't know what that "feels like". I've spent a lifetime with depression.

I've gone through every single type of therapy and 'thingie' that's ever been invented -- pretty much

If that person had been rude and crude and confrontational with me, I probably would have slugged him/her and then walked out. But ... you know him/her better than I do.

In my experience, you've got two ways of going forward with this thing:

1. The easy way -- Walk away and stay away.

2. The hard way -- The tears and the pain indicate that a really raw nerve was struck. That's probably something that you need to work on. In my experience, when I worked out those painful bits, the rest of it was cake.

The most effective therapy that I had was over a period of about 5 years. Weekly when I had good insurance. And when I could afford it, when I didn't have insurance. I wrote all the time and shared my writings with my doctor. I worked things out in my head and in my writing so I could understand why I was where I was.

I've learned that The Universe continually puts lessons in front of us that we HAVE TO LEARN. The ones that are the hardest are the ones that bring the tears out.

Honey, it's not about the words that he/she used that caused you to walk out. It's the reaction that you had. And WHY you had that reaction. And WHY you had that reaction at this time in response to whatever he/she said to you. That's gonna keep coming back and coming back until you work it out.

There's nothing WRONG with having BP. It's not a character flaw. It's just that the chemistry in your head is screwed up. One day, they'll be able to test us for certain brain chemicals and if one is missing and is causing depression, they'll replace that one. If a different one is missing and is causing BP, then they'll just replace that one. They might even be able to do that kind of testing before we're even born.

In the meantime, the best tools that we have are good drugs that are RIGHT for us, and good doctors who really CARE, and our own will and determination to make changes in our lives.

It's up to you to decide whether or not you can work WELL with this doctor. If you can, then you need to realize that the tears are a tool to guide you to where the most work is needed -- sort of like the drip-drip in the dam is where the leak is -- and that's the part you have to work on.

There is nothing WRONG with you for having BP or me for having depression or anyone for any of the thousands of other screwed up chemical thingies that we come down with. I believe a lot of it caused by the astronomical amount of chemicals that are poured into the environment every day by the manufacturing processes.

Take a deep BREATH. Have a nice conversation with yourself about where you want to go from here. Write it down if you can. The writing will help you later -- sort of like a cookbook. Then you'll know what your next steps need to be.

BIG HUGS.

Barb