This could have been me posting. Because lately, I've been getting scared. Really scared. I'm falling more, and I'm too weak to get myself up. Sometimes I can't get myself up from a seated position: imagine a planet with 10-20 times the gravity here on Earth, and that's the planet I'm on. I just can't overcome the gravity. Lisa or Chaz (her husband) have literally lifted me, legs frozen with spasticity in a seated posture, to my WC. Transfers are passing to the difficult>fabulously difficult stage.

Control of my bowels is becoming less and less reliable.

My hands, arms, and torso are steadily weaker. Lately I have needed help dressing and getting in the shower. Feeding myself is getting harder; typing is becoming difficult.

I've got a stage 1 pressure sore on my butt. I'm trying to get a handle on it with air cushions, but I'm sitting all the time.

Scariest of all, a couple of times I've had a breathing "incident" where my diaphragm seems to have trouble working. I'm seeing my neuro next month and I'll tell him about this, but what can he do, really?

I live in a two family house with me one one side and Lisa and Chaz on the other side, so help is available to me. I'm trying to get an overhead lift for my bathroom. I do have Medicaid, so I'm working on getting someone in here in the AM (for now at least), and to get something called Consumer Directed Care, which would pay Lisa for all the help she gives me. But I'm scared. A nursing home is a looming presence in my life, hanging over me like the proverbial sword. If this pressure sore should open.... If the breathing problem should worsen.... If/when I become unable to feed myself.... This sort of pressure makes it very difficult not to think about the future, and the old positive attitude is taking a beating.

Sally, if you want to look into housing for the disabled, call your local social services or housing authority, and ask about Section 8 housing in your area. The office for aging in your county should also be able to advise you on any assisted living apartment complexes in your area.

Chris