Hippiechick

Welcome to our SOS family I am so very sorry for the deep
pain you are in, physical and emotional.

We wont judge you here, you are safe to express what you feel.
But, I hope you will allow us to support you.... and try to give
you reasons to hang on. Many of our loved ones took their lives..
we will forever grieve... it is a hurt worse than any other....

I can not begin to imagine the pain you are in. That being the case,
the best I can do is try to reach out to you...the only way I know how
to be able to do that, is to share with you......

I suffer with horrific pain, but it is not terminal. There were many times
over the years I wish it was. I too often thought of taking my life. I am
not ashamed of that. My disease use to be penned the suicide disease.
I am still in great pain, but suicide is no longer an option for me...
Let me tell you why.......

My Dad took his life on March 14th 2008. That fateful day, my world
was forever changed. My Dad beat cancer twice. But, when he got the
same cancer his brother died from... he kept it to himself... then took his life.
I would have given anything, anything! to have been there for my Dad.
There is nothing in this world that could have hurt me worse than finding
out my Dad killed himself... that he didn't even give me the chance to say
goodbye. To me, there is no worse pain. NOW, knowing the pain, the hell
left behind for the family to face... I could no longer take my life....
I could not hurt my family, as I am hurting now....

You say you have family... I am sure you love them greatly. Just as I
am sure they do you. It is perhaps not fair of me to use the guilt "card"
this way. But, for your family, for those who love you.. I feel I must.
Suicide is not a legacy you want to leave your family. There are those
here who lost their loved one many many years ago, they still suffer
greatly. Surely life, even filled with pain, is better than no life at all?

I do not say this lightly. My husband is terminal. He is dying. I hate to
see him suffer, but I know that each day he is blessed with, he is
thankful for. I AM thankful for. We treasure each moment we are given...
me being in daily horrific pain... and him dying. Life is ALWAYS a gift.

I do hope you will come back often. We have just "met" but I truly do
care about what happens to you. If you want to talk, come here..
we will listen. PM me, or email me @ sadie1of7@hotmail.com
You are not alone, we will hold your hand... and try to help any
way we can. My thoughts and prayers are with you Nikki