Sweet hippiechick I hope you will allow the folks here to help you get through...I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I have been in that space where life just does not seem like it is worth living. I have made three serious suicide attempts and yet here I am. Right now I can say that I am glad I am here. I could not always say that and I know that I may face that beast again. Life is precious even when death is known to be 'down the road' When my father was dying I cherished every moment I had with him knowing that I would not have him for long. I would imagine that your family feels the same way. Please let someone help you cope. It helps to talk about how you feel or write about it. You can feel safe here. About a month ago I talked with a dear friend of mine whose ex commited suicide and their 12 year old son was the one who found him. I know this is strong but it is true the family suffers so much pain and guilt when a family member commits suicide. It was a good/bad experience for me because I had to experience first hand her pain and that of her children. I am very close to them. I am praying for you as well.