I had the kids' conferences yesterday and those went well. Work today was just great. Now I'm all alone and upset and that's dangerous. That's when I tend to get manic. *sigh*... That's when I want to go out and "do something" but its not the same as usual. When I go out and feel like this, that's when I go into one of my manic alternate realities. So its stuck at home in this house by myself. Its dark, I hate having nothing to do, and I'm tired from work and grocery shopping and Christopher is out having dinner at an Al-anon thing (which means he's gone with his ex-wife who is an alcoholic) and cut me short at our phone conversation earlier- just not his usual friendly self it seemed.... but I am a terrible guage of emotions sometimes. Anyway, now I'm upset and alone and don't want to hang out until I maybe fall asleep tonight. I'm feeling antsy again. I don't feel like watching a movie but I COULD read. I just hate being alone.... I have been fine as far as those crying fits I had a couple months ago- but now I was crying. Just a normal crying though. I wonder what it would've been not on the depakote... We have such wonderful times together and then he goes to an al-anon dinner with his ex. They have no children together. I went to conferences with MY ex yesterday but they're our children together- and its conferences. Different! It pulls at me all the time whether or not I'm jealous or justified and what is unrequited love and maybe that has to only be a true friendship level.... and see? I'm thinking too much now. (Nobody else does that here right? lol) *sigh*