It saddens me to read what you are experiencing. In the heart of my heart I embrace you knowing only the unstoppable truth about who you are. Here's the truth - You are worthy, valued, important, loved, intelligent and capable in the mind of God whose mind is the only one that really matters.
Continue to listen to the many many people who LOVE you and speak whether in the silent places of their heart or outloud GOOD thoughts that lift you and create a buoyancy of TRUTH about who you are. And let the remnants of embarrassment fall away - It is always a strong person who gives words to what's going on with them. You are a strong person!

please please please take the word "stupid" and its siblings out of your vocabulary. Nobody thinks these things of you. Your mind and heart are no place for such things. It is quite the mountain to deal with when someone relentlessly puts you down - I know, I grew up with it and watched my mother endure it for many years.

Much love to you