It's good that you are on depression meds that at least takes the edge off of the depression but your body may be getting use to what you are on and it may not be doing the job anymore.

I can't take depression meds anymore but when I did zoloft and prozac I actually got worse. I was even more suicidal, my nurse said she was the same way.

Bill is on Lexapro for depression and he swears by it. His depression came mostly from his illnesses though. You can't even tell he's ever been depressed now. He goes all the time even though he has to carry his oxygen with him. He does my grocery shopping and gets my meds. The only thing he doesn't do for me and if he could I'd let him is go to the Dr. for me. LOL

Like you I was very active in life but it sounds like you had some wonderful jobs and a great time traveling and you did a lot of good for people. It's hard to give up the things you enjoyed and I think it's even harder to accept that we can't do them.

I've talked about my depression a lot in the years I have been on here and I have lived in councelling since around 98. I would have killed myself by now had I not been in councelling. I've only met one person that has depression as bad as mine and she is oddly enough in the medical field. I sunk down in a well so deep I honestly thought I would never get out of it. It drove me crazy thinking I wouldn't get out of it also. I still deal with really bad depression but it seems like it's in a different way now. I am not quite as suicidal but I still do not get dressed most days and the winters are worse because in the summer I did get out and take a walk but that was the extent of my day out. Actually it seemed like the distance I went in walking was as far as I seemed to be able to get away from the house. I hate leaving my house.

Here lately I started going back down again and I'm thinking the winter has added to mine along with the pelvic pain I'm dealing with. I am hoping having something done for this pain might help me pull myself up even more.

I think with you like me it's hard to accept the fact that we can't do the things we use to do and sat down and do nothing. I always had a fun life, I did some traveling, did antiqueing for years and managed apartments and went hunting and fishing and camping and it seemed like Bill and I never stopped going. I loved being around people and I did some volenteer work for Hospice and was very outgoing. I have none of that now and it's accepting where we are at nowadays that is hard.

I try to enjoy my grandson's and we make jewelry together and I have a sewing room and I keep things on hand to work with all of the time. I think the key Mark is to maybe find some things you can do at home and sitting down is something that might help you feel better.

I'm sorry to hear you have fell 3 times. I am hoping you didn't hurt yourself either time. I fell 12 times. I can actually remember everywhere I was when I fell. I'm wondering why we tend to fall so much. I chalked mine up to my meds and the vertigo. Once though Devin when he was about 3 he climbed on a stack of flats and jumped. I knew I had to catch him and I caught my self with my right hand that was my worst fall.

I'm glad you are moving down stairs, that's the best thing you can do. Puts you closer to the kitchen too. LOL. Just kidding. I try to stay as far away from my kitchen as possible. I seem to think about food all of the time.

You are such a great asset here and so helpful to us. I do hope you can hang around. I do know what it's like not to be able to. Just try to keep busy also and try and keep your mind off of the sadness. I watch tv a lot and I read books. I talk on the phone a lot also. I have a lot of support. I hope you do. Are you in councelling? That's something you might want to try.

I hope you start feeling better and hang around with us.

Ada