I graduated from my CNA class yesterday. I scored a 99% on my final exam. There were about 130 questions...I only missed one! Yep...I was pretty excited. Now, it's on to the next step. I need to find a job. I have applied for a lot of CNA positions at many different places. I also had an interview with a private individual that needs home health care. She said that she was going to try and make a decision by Monday. So, there is a possibility that I may hear something by tomorrow.

It is hard for me to wait and see which jobs might call me for an interview. Will it be the one that I really want? It feels like my life is in this holding pattern, everything feels uncertain. Next, the calls for interviews will come. Then comes the part where I have to make a decision about which job is best and would be the most suitable for me. That is the most difficult part. What if I make the wrong decision? Does anybody besides me wish that it were possible to fast forward your life for about a month and just see where you are and how you will be doing? If you made the right decision? I guess what it boils down to is that I don't like change very much. I prefer stability, a routine, safety, and security. That is what makes me thrive. I know that the sooner I am able to make a decision about what to do next, the better I will be because the hard part will be done. The decision will be made. Then, the routine will begin and life will go on...

The weather here has gotten yucky over the weekend. Dark skies and rain. I don't think it is helping my body or my mood. I feel particularly stiff and achy today, and that makes me kind of grouchy. Even though I try not to let it get to me...it does. Some days I feel really bad for my husband. He is a good guy and he tries to do what he can to make me feel better. He doesn't get that there are some things that just can't be fixed. Lately, I feel like I have been either sad or grumpy or in a world of my own. I feel like he deserves better. I have tried anti-depressants in the past with not a lot of success...but a lot of side effects. I'm not sure what to do next. I am just trying to keep myself busy and my my mind on other things. I just keep telling myself that once things settle down, I will feel better. I guess I just don't handle stress the way that I used to.

My goal this week is to try and keep things in perspective and try not to be overwhelmed by the decisions that I have to make. Nothing is forever. If I don't make the right decision the world isn't going to end.

Have a GREAT week ahead!