I think I know the kind of feelings you're talking about. Or at least some of them. The same sort of feelings plague me, too. I don't feel like I have any real purpose in life now. I've been searching and reaching out, but I can't seem to grasp anything substantial. I am not a suicidal person, but I think a lot about how it would be if I were killed in an accident or something. Sometimes I even wish it woud happen. It seems the only time I am happy is when I'm with my eleven-year-old daughter, and that happens less and less all the time, as her mother doesn't want me to influence her too much.

Life is such a strange thing. On the one hand it's filled with miracles, and on the other it seems so uninteresting because nothing ever seems to change. Heck, we are miracles ourselves, but because there are seven billion of us, a single life doesn't seem as important to some people any more. I do believe in God, but not the God that the church has created to gain power for themselves. I don't believe that God sits in Heaven and pulls our strings. And there are many other different thoughts I have which I won't mention here.

I don't believe that life is necessarily meant to be enjoyed. That's the icing on the cake, and we don't all have the icing. You wouldn't believe the hours I've spent trying to copy other people or do what they suggest to make me a happier person. What they don't realize is that I'm not chronically unhappy, it's just that I'm not really happy, either. Like you said, it's complicated, and finding the right words is extremely difficult sometimes. And this is a difficult subject.

If you would like to, I would be happy to discuss some things further by e-mail or PMs right here on NeuroTalk. I feel that you have a way of thinking that is very similar to mine, and a lot of the same questions and feeling of emptiness. Take care of yourself, Ryan, and good luck to you. I hope you find what it is that you are looking for.