Brokenfriend,

for five years you could become a doctor. Something is apparently wrong with input. When you put aside medical terms(5 year input) and focus on "fixing" yourself you will feel much better. Actually you will be cured and you will not be able to remember your current state. All information you need you will find on internet. For example, vini mentioned chakras. Googling "throat chakra" will show some excellent explanations though accusing, in this case saying that you are a liar.

When you gather all this great written knowledge next thing to realize is that it worths absolutely nothing. Unless you apply it. How? Simple. Doing it on yourself. Conditioning yourself over and over again until positive feeling in your body becomes a habit.

For the beginning please try to be aware of your physical response - feeling ! on different thoughts. Do you feel that something is changing inside when you think about fruits: apple , orange , lemon... tree, sky , river, sun , beach. If you notice that something is moving in you , you are becoming aware of your subconcious mind.