I want you to know that I read your first post some time back. I spent a lot of time framing a response and then deleted it. Sorry about that. I know it is important to be able to get a response when you are looking for help. And I am really happy to see that others here are trying to help. Alffe has some really good things to add as do others. Finding meaning in life and a reason to go on is really important.
I have been on quite a few anti-depressants. There was a time when they did get me through. I also understand not wanting to deal with side effects. Sometimes that is necessary though, as that is better than the alternative, in my opinion anyway. Now, I can't take antidepressants as I am allergic to them and also very sensitive to them. So I find other ways to deal with it.
I have also spent some time on clonazepam. You might want to check out a Dr. Ashton, I believe that is her name. She has clinics in the UK. If you are interested in her work I will take the time to look it up for you. It took me a year to get off of this medication and I am the better for it. I also know of others who have had major problems with it exacerbating their depressive symptoms.
I really do believe that we are all here for a reason. I don't believe that human life is just by chance. And I also understand the feelings of not wanting to go on, for whatever reasons. And I am really hoping that you can find some help, some meaning in your life, and some desire to fight for it.