Yes Alffe I want help, I need help. I've been "bad" and I told my pdoc everything so she wants me to meet her at the hospital to get my meds straightened out and talk to me to make sure I'm safe from myself. I am trying to care about myself. It's hard when you're stuck and I know I'm stuck. I was looking up grief today and found what I'm going through, in my mind anyway.

Chronic grief occurs when the survivor was totally dependent on the deceased person. These survivors are insecure and anxious and need the deceased person's presence to soothe them--something they never learned to do for themselves. Hanging on to the grief is the closest they can come to hanging on to the deceased.

This makes sense to me but it doesn't. I just don't know why I can't stop thinking about them.