these just resonated with me today and I think it applies on a universal basis...

1. Know that you have incredible power. Your support today, tomorrow, and forever will be paramount to our healing. Stick with us and you will see our smiles return.

3. When we talk about our pain and our tears flow, don't try to make them go away. They are doing good things for us. Our tears are like the steam valve on a pressure cooker. We need them as a way of releasing our suffering.

5. Don't try to change us. We will never be the person you once knew - too much has happened to us. Let us be who we are, a grieving, healing person who one day will be similar to that complete person you knew. We want to feel better; we are looking for answers where sometimes there are none. Be patient with us; we know we can be frustrating for you. You may think that we are not trying, but we are, with all our might, all the time.

6. Be an empathetic listener. There is incredible power in saying nothing. Don't feel like you need to fill the silence with words. A gentle hug, a hand held, a simple nod of the head says you care.

10. We know that you hurt, too. This loss of a loved one was a loss for you also. We can help each other heal by staying involved in each other's lives.

12. Finally, if you are a healing partner who can stay with us forever, we will never be able to put into words how grateful we are for your support. When we smile a genuinely happy smile as our lives heal, much of that joy will be because of you. You have that kind of power and we, and our loved ones, will be eternally thankful you had the courage, strength, and most of all, patience to wait for us to return.