Quote:
Originally Posted by stevem53
Hi Everyone!..My God, how time flies!..The nights and mornings are getting cooler, and the days shorter..I got my first oil bill this week, since my last one in April..It wasnt pretty, but it was less that I thought it would be
Still making preperations to go out west to meet Harley, and go to the Hope Conference..I have a friend that has a kennel so I could board my diabetic cat..$9.00 per day, plus $1.00 per day for shots..I provide the insulin, syringes, and cat food..The animal hospital up the street wanted $40.00 per day..Laura told me that I could bring he with me if I wanted, but I figured maybe it would be better to board her..The price was right..So now I have to get in touch with a buddy of mine who has a limousine service, to arrange a ride to Logan Airport in Boston so I can get a direct flight to Seattle, get the plane tix, and Im outa here!..For someone who is afraid to get on a plane, Im very excited!
I had to take my friend who Ive been going out clamming with to detox on Thursday..I had been very instrumental in helping him get sober 15 years ago..He relapsed on pain killers..Last Saturday when I was with him, he was talking with his eyes closed, and I knew something was up..He came over my house Thursday afternoon, and confessed that he had been popping pills since May, and he was as desperate as a dead man walking on execution day..He couldnt sit still..He couldnt stop talking..He couldnt stop worrying about getting a bed at the detox that day..He couldnt stop beating himself up, and saying the same stuff over and over and over again..It was a real eye opener for me..The emotional insanity..I could never put myself through that again, and he sure did help me realize that..So I called the facility, arranged for a bed, got directions for the 45 minute ride to Southern R.I..My friend left to go home and pack a suitcase, and I told him I would meet him at his house as soon as I got my act together..Let me emphasize this:..God works in strange ways his wonders to perform..He writes straight with crooked lines..I got in my truck to head down to my friend's house..I turned on the radio, and this was the song playing on the radio "The animal I have become", by Three Days Grace
And the first words I heard were:..."I can't escape this hell"
Three Days Grace--Animal I Have Become (One-X)
I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)
I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)
While I was listening to the lyrics of that song, the hair on the back of my neck mustve stood up..The fact that, that particular song was playing on the radio at that particular moment, was no cooincidence to me..That was a message from up above for me to hear..I havent been able to stop thinking about it, as I know my past, and my friend John's past as well..I remember the hell we went through for years that began in High School, like it was yesterday..And to see an instant replay of it drove home a powerful message for me..The path gets narrower as time passes..Stay the course
How was your week?
Hard Clams, or Little Neck Clams, or Quahogs as us Rhode Islander's call them
Steamer Clams
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Steve,
I am so sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. I can't imagine what it must be like for him to have been sober for fifteen years and all it took was one bad decision. Now, because of that ONE decision he has to go through the fight of his life all over again. I will keep you both in my prayers. I haven't battled a serious addiction in my life but my dad is a big time alcoholic and my cousins 21 year old son is in rehab as I type this. It is truly heartbreaking.
I heard a song this last week that really touched me as well. Here are the lyrics.
"Broken" by Lifehouse
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_4Qs0pGjHk
When I first heard this song I couldn't help but be moved. Ever since this whole PD thing cropped up I have felt like I am always trying to beat the clock. I previously thought that I had all the time in the world to do the things that I wanted to do...now I have my doubts. As positive as I TRY to be these thoughts still remain in the back of my head. Thoughts like this...Should I really spend four years in nursing school? Will I be able to function well enough to be a nurse in four years or would it be a complete waste of time? Would it be better to just work as a Nursing Assistant as long as I can and just enjoy the time I have with my children while they are still young. I really have missed them a lot since I have been working. I come home at night to a dead quiet house when my boys are both already tucked into bed. I go into their rooms and quietly kiss the tops of each of thier heads and I wish that things were different. I wish that I wasn't always trying to beat the clock. Geez...just when I think that I have accepted all this I wind up feeling like a downer AGAIN!
Well, the good news is that I have an interview for a CNA position at a hospital near my house. I would be taking care of people right out of surgery. I think that would be a lot better for me in many ways. I would be taking care of people that have just been given a fresh start...much more optimistic than what I am doing right now. Plus, this job is part-time and I would be home with my kids more. It also offers better pay and better benefits. I feel like God is already lining this up for me...and that is good. My one concern was that I hadn't taken the state certification test yet...and BEHOLD, my test date has just been scheduled for three days after the interview! That should work out perfectly.
Well, I better get a move on. Have a great week!