Steve,
I am so sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. I can't imagine what it must be like for him to have been sober for fifteen years and all it took was one bad decision. Now, because of that ONE decision he has to go through the fight of his life all over again. I will keep you both in my prayers. I haven't battled a serious addiction in my life but my dad is a big time alcoholic and my cousins 21 year old son is in rehab as I type this. It is truly heartbreaking.
I heard a song this last week that really touched me as well. Here are the lyrics.
"Broken" by Lifehouse
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_4Qs0pGjHk
When I first heard this song I couldn't help but be moved. Ever since this whole PD thing cropped up I have felt like I am always trying to beat the clock. I previously thought that I had all the time in the world to do the things that I wanted to do...now I have my doubts. As positive as I TRY to be these thoughts still remain in the back of my head. Thoughts like this...Should I really spend four years in nursing school? Will I be able to function well enough to be a nurse in four years or would it be a complete waste of time? Would it be better to just work as a Nursing Assistant as long as I can and just enjoy the time I have with my children while they are still young. I really have missed them a lot since I have been working. I come home at night to a dead quiet house when my boys are both already tucked into bed. I go into their rooms and quietly kiss the tops of each of thier heads and I wish that things were different. I wish that I wasn't always trying to beat the clock. Geez...just when I think that I have accepted all this I wind up feeling like a downer AGAIN!
Well, the good news is that I have an interview for a CNA position at a hospital near my house. I would be taking care of people right out of surgery. I think that would be a lot better for me in many ways. I would be taking care of people that have just been given a fresh start...much more optimistic than what I am doing right now. Plus, this job is part-time and I would be home with my kids more. It also offers better pay and better benefits. I feel like God is already lining this up for me...and that is good. My one concern was that I hadn't taken the state certification test yet...and BEHOLD, my test date has just been scheduled for three days after the interview! That should work out perfectly.
Well, I better get a move on. Have a great week!