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Originally Posted by Evonne Steve, When you say that life does go on as we find acceptance of our situation, I want to know HOW to really accept it. I reach this point where I think I have accepted it, then something new crops up with me. It sends me into this whirlwind of doubt and uncertainty and frustration with God and with myself. I have always had a very deep faith even as a small child. I have had a lot of things happen in my life that have been difficult to deal with but I have managed to accept them and move forward and just trust God. This time things are different. I am sad and angry...not a good combination. Yesterday a friend that I have been friends with for fifteen+ years called me. We started talking about my faith and I completely broke down. She asked if I had been going to church regularly. I told her that I hadn't been going. I told her about all of my feelings and how I just feel that I don't belong there right now. She said that maybe God was trying to get my attention with all of this health stuff. I told her that I didn't think God worked that way and that if he did, I didn't need that kind of God in my life...followed by an expletive! She asked me if I believed that God could heal me. I told her that I would like to think so, but that there are so many sick and hurting people in the world and people dying of diseases that can't be cured. I question the ability of God to heal because if that were the case...why is there so much suffering and sickness everywhere??? Yeah...I'm a little bitter. She went on to tell me to focus on the positive and that she would be praying for me and that I should keep my eyes open to God working in my life. The spiritual side of me wanted that to be true...to see God working in my life. The negative part of me thought, "Yeah, right...you just don't get it!." Well, yesterday shortly after that conversation I went out with my sister to run some errands. I wasn't planning on going to Costco, but we happened to stop there. Lo and Behold...I ran into my Pastor's wife! I felt so compelled to go and talk to her...so I did. I explained my situation and asked her about a group at church that I had heard about that focuses on people with chronic health conditions. As we were talking my Pastor walked up. Again, I explained my situation. Mainly, I explained the same thing that I wrote up in the first paragraph of this post regarding acceptance. They were both so wonderful and encouraging. At one point I began to cry because I really couldn't believe that God had brought me together with them yesterday. He knew how much I was hurting and how much I needed some reassurance that he is good and capable of miracles. Long story short, we all stood together in the front of Costco and prayed together. They had me write my number down and invited me to come find them at church on Sunday. Um, yeah...I'll be there. God got my attention this time. For those who aren't spiritual...my goal was not to offend you with this post. My goal was to give people who are like me, lacking in their faith because of unfortunate circumstances, a little boost in their faith. With Love, Evonne

That is the very basic principle that sums up the 12 Steps of the AA program..It is the code that I live by to thrive and prosper..When I apply it to my life, I find hope..What happened as a result of applying it to my Parkinsons is..I no longer dwell on what pd has taken from me..I am grateful for what it has given me

Sure it has taken from me..It has weakened me..It had brought disability..I have been a commercial fisherman for 33 years..I love my profession..It was my calling, and pd took it away..I had a 47' wooden fishing trawler, that I had completely rebuilt in 2003-2004..I spent over $30,000 on it, and in Nov of 2006, I sold it for $10,000, because I couldnt take care of it anymore..I couldnt paint the 8 gallons of paint on it that it required every spring anymore..I couldnt deal with tending her during winter storms anymore, walking down icy docks in the middle of the night..And I didnt have the strength or the stamina to fish 12-14 hour days anymore..Being a long time fisherman, I was part of a brotherhood of our fishing community in Rhode Island..I was a fisheries advocate..I took the State and the Fed's almost all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court for violating our Constitutional Rights, and that battle wages on today, as we speak, only without me..Pd took that from me

Pd brought more changes than I could keep up with for a couple of years..SSDI..Financial hardship..getting medicated..change of Drs..fear..Uncertainty

I found this forum in Dec of 2004, and I began posting here..and the people here, through their advise and collective shared experiences, gave me hope..I read about how thier lives went on after pd..They shared their joys, and their sadness..their victories and their defeats..their wisdom and their doubts..their knowledge and their integrity..their understanding and their compassion..their honesty and themseves..their hope and their strengths..their fears and their courage..and their fortitude to dare dream their dreams..and I began to realize that pd was part of a new journey through life, that opened a new chapter to self discovery..compassion, and deeper understanding..Personal and spiritual growth..and a new found wisdom, perspective, and appreciation for life..I made solid friendships here..Real friendships..I have met 12 of the folks who post here during the past two years..I got to met Lonnie Ali last Feb..I got involved in Pd advocacy..I was a PAN Rep for two years..I am a board member of our local chapter of the APDA..I served on the website committee, and on the annual walk committee..I am a member of two local support groups, and treasurer of one of them..As an aqaintance of a fellow board member who happens to be a Professor at URI, I was invited to a class of 6th graders, and a school for poor inner city kids, many of them minorities who live in a state with thousands of miles of coastline, but have never been to the beach, to give a lecture on my life as a fisherman, and share with those kids how fish are caught commercially..The noble job of posting the Weekly Check In thread has been passed down from parkie to parkie for years, and my dear friend Jaye passed it down to me, and I have grown tremedously because of it

And most of all, Harley and I have struck up quite the friendship, and as most of you have probably already figured out, it has developed into more than a friendship, and on the 23rd of this month, I am gonna fly across the country to meet her..And I am more excited than I can put into words!! ..I am going to stay for a couple of weeks and we are going to the Hope Conference on Nov 1st..So I have had pd now for about 6 years since my first symptom..It has taken alot from me..But it hasnt taken my ability to experience excitement..It hasnt left me devoid of hope..It hasnt taken away my right to dream my wildest dream..It hasnt taken away my ability to love and be loved..It has restored a deeped faith, and it has given me the ability to accept life on its own tems, and not as I would have it..Harley and I would have never met without this disease that brought us together out here in cyberspace..Pd will allow us to touch the lives of many, as they will touch ours

Evonne..It is ok to feel the way you feel..Acceptance is a process that begins with many mixed emotions, and it will come to you in time through the experiences of your journey..It is always a joy to read what you contribute to this thread as often as you do, in terms of your courage, and openess to share your journey with us

When one door closes, another one opens