((((((Wishfulthinking)))))),

Ohhh!!

I hate that you're feeling like that. I remember the feeling. I've spent most of my life battling depression.

Through all my [quote]life experience[unquote], I've learned that dreams aren't a "REAL" representation of what's going on inside us. They're puns -- plays on words.

When my Mom was sick, I had a dream about huge five-pound bugs bothering me. Woke up at 3 AM trying to figure out what the heck that meant -- finally figured out "Who's bugging me??" -- my Mom. I ended laughing so hard, I couldn't stop

Yours almost sounds like "cut it out"

I've found a really good (AKA 'weird') way of figuring out what's going on in my head. Get some BIG paper (11x17 at least) and BIG crayons and sit on the floor or on the bed and draw. Draw your life. Draw your pain. Make clouds and fill them with words. See if any of the filled clouds can be tied together.

It sounds like you've got something on your mind -- something that's bothering you -- and you've stuffed it down so that you don't have to pay attention to it for now. The Universe does not allow that. We need to take care of things that are bothering us.

Once you figure out what *IT* is, you can take some sort of action. The action might be as simple as just acknowledging that you've got this particular 'issue' that you can't deal with right now. Maybe there are bigger steps that can be taken. You won't know 'til you acknowledge what *IT* is.

I hope you can get yourself balanced out. I know how hard it is to function when you're in the middle of it. Any positive steps that you can take will help knock back the depression.

After I'd been in therapy for awhile, I woke up crying. I was crying because I missed my Father who had passed away. I had spent so many years entwined in the grief for my younger Brother who had committed suicide that I had never been able to grieve for anyone who had passed after him. I cried with the doctor; I cried with my husband; I cried alone -- finally I finished crying.

Tears only come during sleep when you have very deep heart-pain or soul-pain that you haven't finished with yet. It might help if you set an appointment with a psychiatrist/psychologist/social worker who's experienced in grief work. If you set a time limit on it (like six weeks) and focus your thoughts by writing between appointments, you can probably work this bit out.

It's hard work. I spent over 13 years in and out of various kinds of therapy to get over the suicide of my younger Brother. The work is hard but it's definitely worth it. We have to treat ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve.

BIG HUGS.

Barb