Dear Lisa

Sorry you are feeling so down.... . ((hugs)). Firstly the psychologist in me wants to talk neurotransmitters....... depression can be caused/ affected by loads of chemicals, is likely that your drug (can't remeber name) is only helping get the correct balance with 1 or 2 chemicals not all of them. Also like pain drugs different drugs work for different people. Also - I'm not good at US names for drugs - but it sounds like you are on amytriptylene which is a tricyclic antidepressant which isn't overly effective in the treatment of depression....

I know I have down days - thats what I've had the last couple of days. When I realise I am going on a downer I give myself 3 days to feel dreadful and then I have to pull myself out of it. In those 3 days I can whinge as much as I want, refuse to do anything that hurts too much that can be avoided, eat as much chocolate as I want (lol....... luckily I am so nauseous I can't touch it!) etc and I let myself feel sorry for myself. I didn't learn that sometimes you just have to go "life is an absoloute &%£"£" and feel sorry for yourself because no one can stay strong forever. It just isn't possible. Sometimes you have to admit how hard this is to live with and what it has done to your life and how it has changed you.

Mini controlled depressions are GOOD as long as you have control when they start and you know you can pull yourself up again or have people who can help you to be happy again after a day or 2 of misery.

it's bizarre but it really does feel better once you have done it! a friend of mine has chronic pain too and we have this agreement that for 3 days we can moan as much as possible and give everything horrible a miss. But we then have to start normal timetable on day 4.. sometimes just a break from being strong makes such a difference.

Take care and hope things pick up soon!!!

Rxxxx