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BJ · 10-12-2008, 09:19 AM

The trust issue still remains, and at times I’m on the alert in certain situations. For when I built such a special friendship with a group of friends prior to becoming so ill with depression, and losing all of them, it was enormously devastating.

They say that people with resilience harness inner strength and rebound more quickly. I want to rid of trust issues and the feelings of ‘victimization’. I’ve had these issues for almost my entire life; but I don’t want to dwell anymore, I just want to be able to face challenges better. I don’t want to forever be smothered by memories and thoughts and issues. But I’m having a hard time understanding how my dad could do those things, how the mental health people, who are supposed to be on your side, can do things and get away with it.

PTSD is still stigmatized. It’s the invisible brain injury. You are not missing an eye or a leg or arm, so people assume that you are just whining. They don’t understand how it can incapacitate you.

And having others minimize your suffering is one definite issue I have had, that feeds my similar trust issue. But then people ask you why you isolate yourself??

It’s hard for me to trust, because to offer true friendship, I am offering up this very fragile self and I am trusting that the other person won’t abuse that self, or carelessly harm me. I’m trying to do that less and less, because so few people understand the effects of these events have had on me as a social person.

I go to visit my parents and my brother’s graves every chance I get. I go and forgive my dad and I talk to all of them. If they were still here, they’d understand, they’d be here for me, of that I’m sure.

I bought this for my brother and I’m going to put it on his grave today. If he was alive today, he’d be pitching for the NY Yankees, it was his dream.

http://shop.mlb.com/product/index.js...452534.1956222