Hi Koala.

I think Twinkletoes has given you some GREAT advice . . . but for me, I just know I wouldn't be so humble. It would probably be my unraveling, but I am way too direct of a person to handle it the excellent way she has suggested.

Without knowing all the circumstances, there is no way to guess why there is currently a problem . . . but it seems this problem is bigger then what happened with your son's birthday. You say you haven't seen your Grandson in 2 months now, yet the birthday situation happened only 3 weeks ago . . .? Has that been your choice, their choice, or just the way things worked out? If you (or they) want for him to have a strong bond with you, it seems to me that will not happen with 2-month gaps in visitation.

In all honesty, I've never run into a guy that has stood beside his wife on an issue like this, UNLESS he is carrying some grudge against his parents too. In my experience, men try to stay as far away from the family "drama" as possible, and even if their wife is the "problem", he will find a way to come and visit his parents behind her back (if necessary). NOTE: I don't necessarily agree, but that's what I've ALWAYS seen happen.

My first guess is that your son is mad at you for something, and she is standing beside him. It is good if that is the reason, as you have every right to talk to your son about this if it is an issue between you and him, not an issue between his family and you.

My second guess is that they are having marital problems, and they are both just trying to keep afloat. What you want has nothing to do with this, and what's happening with you is not as important (to them) at this point in time.

My third guess is that there is a problem with the dynamics between them and yourselves, i.e. they feel like you are judging them as parents, they feel that you spoil their child, you've let them down a few times when they really needed you (due to your health or whatever), etc. (who knows?).

Either way, I think If she is never available when you want to come visit, then try to pre-arrange a day to have your grandson . . . like two weeks from Thurs, or the 22nd, or every other Friday . . . I know that is hard to do with your health so unpredictable, but chances are that either you or your husband will be ok on that day, and you'll have to work around sickness that either of you have, i.e. it doesn't take two to accomplish this visitation schedule.

If that doesn't work, I think you have to have a confrontation with your son to find out what the real problem is.

Like I said, I like Twinkletoes idea better, but I couldn't do it so I am suggesting another alternative.

Cherie