Of course you're angry...he changed everyone's life without thinking what it would do to his family....there is just no understanding it BJ...we will probably never know why...even tho he left a note...it sounds like you still don't know why. He had everything to live for and threw it all away.

Someday when you are able to forgive him and to accept the unacceptable..your anger will quiet down but you aren't there yet.

Admiting that your angry is a big step. Five hours is a very long time to spend at the cemetary...can you still talk to your priest?