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BJ · 10-18-2008, 12:13 PM

I’m up to 200mg of lamictal, 40mg of Geodon twice a day and 600mg of lithium 3 times a day.

However, this week since taking the increased dose of Lamictal, I've had trouble sleeping. I fidget and/or jiggle my leg or foot when sitting and seem to be crawling out of my skin.

I just am not sleepy. Or, rather, I think that sleep, as an abstract concept, sounds really nice but I just am not sleepy. I sleep about 3-4 hours a night, and if I try to lie down for a nap during the day I can maybe fall asleep for about 10-15 minutes before the dreams start.

I also am hypersensitive. My emotions are all over the map. I feel on the edge of tears all the time, and I feel that I am just starving for positive human contact. This is a contrast to last week when all I wanted to do was hide alone in my house.

That old, "I want to go home," thought is reverberating in my head, and I know that that means I'm feeling extremely tired and sad and hurt and little.

The strange part is that I don't feel speeded up in my thoughts, speech, don't feel the pressure to talk, I’m not running around doing a bunch of stuff, I'm just not sleeping and having hyper-hyper-hyper-hyper-sensitive emotions.

I found a dead squirrel in my yard yesterday and cried for about 45 mins. I always said if I could come back as an animal I want to be a squirrel. I watch them off my family room window running up and down the trees and they always seem to have so much fun. But my stupid neighbor cut off all the bottoms and they have to climb really high to get to their nest. That’s probably how this little guy died. I didn’t know what to do with him and I was afraid the ferals I feed would eat him. I went out just as it was getting dark to shovel it into a box and something came out of the bushes and grabbed it.

It's sort of like hypomania, it's sort of like depression, and I know it's possible to have a mixed state, but this is different from anything I've experienced so far.