hi everyone...

this is the first day that the kids would actually go down for a nap...and I actually have a bit of brain power...thought I'd come in a catch up a bit...

Moss's father is doing better so thank you all for your prayers and concerns..

these kids have been through a lot (like a lot of kids out there that have been in and out of the foster system) and our circumstance have been a bit "unusual" to say the least...

but we're keeping on the fight for them..the next hearing is on the 29th of this month to see if we get perm custody...

for now, they're with us for the next 30 days (emergency visit)

I went up to meet moss half way last week...we had planned a little get away for our second anniversary but because of all the unusual circumstances...the kids ended up coming to our little trip with us. LOL

it was all good although I can truly say this: Kids = ZERO libido....

ROFL.............

they are 3 and 4 yo's...

"E" is our doe eyed little girl with long brown hair and a voice of an angel..she's the older sister

"J" is our sparkling blue eyed little dude with blonde hair and dimples that would flash whenever he'd smile...

they are bundles of energy that is non stop...they go on..and on...and on..and...ON...

I had my first alone time with them on Monday. It was a bit funny when I called my clients to reschedule and when I had to come up with something, I just said, "well, I have a couple of little things I've got to take care of..."

well, the little things were not little, at all....LOLOL

Monday AM, I took them to the park about two blocks behind our house...it's a cute park that has a lot of children's play things in them...amongst them, a merry go round (the type that I have to push)

When we got there, there were just the three of us and they were having fun on the swings, the sliders, the monkey bars and all the other contraptions (I have no idea what some of those things are called....LOL)

But when they got on the merry go round...we all of a sudden heard 20+ screaming children running into the park. It turned out that our local "Y" have their own program and these kids all got on the merry go round and they all were asking me to push them...

I got the acquiesce nod from the lady in charge of these kids. So, there I was, spinning 20+ kids on this merry go round and they would yell:

"faster!!"
"nooooo!!!"
"faster!!!!"
"Noooooo! I wanna get down!!"

plus a lot of screams....

well, go round weren't so merry for moi after about an hour of this....

I was sore and my old knee injury started to act up...

we came home, had lunch and snacks and I had thought they would go down for a nap...but...no...

I think they were kind of testing me the first day...because everything I suggested was rebuttaled with question upon question and would end in loops of questions until I just didn't know how to answer anymore...

so, we negotiated and we got their scooter out and went scootering...

well, that ended us back on to the merry go round and more kids and more moi pushing the merry go round...

I can tell you right now...I want to take "Merry" out back and have a go round with her....LMAO....

the rest of the day were more negotiations about why they should eat PBJ or Grilled Cheese, or why they shouldn't take a nap.

Or what movie they should watch and why they shouldn't watch the movies that I've picked (even though it's the ones that they really would want to see)

and everything that would normally take 5 minutes would take about 20 minutes...

getting them into their shoes would take about 20 minutes, getting them into the car would take another 20 minutes...forgetting their teddy bear or rabbit would take another five, negotiating why they can't take their pillows would take another 10.

If they say let's go to the park and I say no. They tell me why they should. But when I would agree to go to the park and ask them to put on their shoes, they would ask me why they should put on their shoes.

getting them outside to walk to the park and telling them to go "this way" they would tell me that it's "that way"

and then the next 10 minutes are debated about why MOI is right and they are wrong for me while they are busy telling me why Moi IS wrong and they are RIGHT....

one would walk slow while the other one runs...

these were the two sentences that I used most often whenever we would be outside:

" Hey, put that down"

"hey, don't pick that up!"

asking them to not to pick up ants because the ants bite and they would tell me why ants don't bite...ask them why they shouldn't pick up someone else's garbage and they would tell me it's a "treasure"...

I would tell them that it's dirty, of course and yet, they just kept on picking stuff up and of course, they would tell me WHY it's OK...

I know that's being kids and that's OK...

what was funny was last night, E dropped her food and we asked her to help us pick up the food she's dropped and the first thing she said was, "but that's dirty..."

I almost fell on the floor laughing...thinking, this is the same girl that has picked up everything she could find, leaves, sand, bugs, buttons, strings, sticks, dead frogs, (list goes on and on)

and now she's telling me that the grilled cheese sandwich is dirty...

shopping? I don't know why I thought I could take them go shopping....

a one hour trip took four hours...

negotiations about why they can't have all the toys in the store took about an hour...finally settled on something that cost $2.00 for each one of them (hey, it was well worth it...I needed some negotiation power, if I didn't had those toys...we would've been in the store longer)

and yes, they have issues...maybe more than a regular kid...because of the situations they have been in...

but all in all, they are good kids...they do listen when you try to explain things to them...after the negotiations and the explanations and sometimes, just simply pure dictatorship ("because I am an adult and you're a kid. Of course, they then want to tell you that they are 3 or 4 and that they are big kid now...)

and yes, there were times when I wanted to cry whenever they'd tell me "I don't like you..."

And even though I know that they probably don't mean it...it was still very hard to hear those words come out of them...

because I had to be the villain sometimes and say, "no..."

And when "no" is said...they don't take it very well...well, not from MOI...who they are still trying to figure out what my role is in their lives...

but whenever they come to me when they are crying...when they are asking me to pick them up...when they smile at me and the laughters fill the house...

it makes everything else seem trivial...and it melts this old grouch to the core...

as grandparents, we just want to spoil them rotten...and yet, we're put in the role of parenthood and we're ending up having to be the ones to teach them and guide them...

I am not even sure if I, myself, am "teachable"...

let alone these little people....

when spoilism (yeah,making up words here. LOL) is replaced with didacticism...it becomes less fun for us gramps...

but they are worth it...whenever they look your way, and you can see that they feel "secure"...it makes it all worth it....

~~~~~~~~~~~~

their real grandfather killed himself a few years ago...

and in a few years...they'll be learning about him...

he was a good guy...but he had his struggles...

they'll be asking questions...and will have their own struggles with it as well as their own...

he should be here...reveling in his grandkids laughters...

drunken by their smiles and sweet kisses...

but he chose the other path...the one that I had thought of many times before and probably will many times later...

and have been inbetween....

through all this...I am still battling this latest stupid "bubble" although it seems to be on an upward turn...

and it wakes me up a bit....it sobers me up a bit..

I NEED to be here....I need to be here for them, for my dear wife, for my family and my friends...

and now, I need to be here for him...because I will be filling in a shoe that is actually unfillable...I'll be filling in a role that can never be replaced...

and I can only do my best...for him...and I can only hope that I can do him honor and justice...

and hope that this next generation of SOSers will learn...what a hard lesson it is....

that the effect is not only immediate...but will have remnants of waves...

and that hopefully...with a lot of love....

we can ride through it all....