"When I'm annoyed with others I tend to do something that will make them hate me more...."

David...how true for those of us that struggle...

I did that a lot when I was younger...I tend to do that just a little bit these days if I don't
catch myself doing it...but I usually would catch myself before it gets too late...

the anger issue I can so relate as I am sure a lot of folks could relate to...

The black and white part I could relate to somehow...especially the "fight" part...to me, if I
have to get to the point of fighting, then it is fight to death...

to start off, I don't want to validate you by saying what you did was the "right" thing to do...

but I DO want to say that I understand where you're coming from...

((((BIG HUGS)))) dude...

I think you and I came from the same factory. We came from a factory of high pressure cooker
except the manufacturer forgot to put a "vent" in us...


that's where the first part comes in...we DO have a high tolerance for anger...but it is the build
up part that's the problem.

I think for us, instead of releasing that steam a bit at a time or release them as we boil...

we simply retain that steam and then we build on it.

how do I know? what you've said: "I despise confrontation"

it is when we despise confrontation that we then retain that steam and then it builds and builds and builds
but remember, we were built without a release in the first place...

so, this is where the irrational part comes in...we then start to see RED more than black and whites anymore...

and the more "little" things happen the more we get annoyed...it could be something as simple
as NOT being able to find our keys when we need to go for a drive...that could truly trigger us and then that little
bit of steam is now added to the bigger steam...
now, that pressure becomes tremendous...


how would one release a pressure cooker that has NO release?? We have to break it, that would be the only way

but then we can't just take a hammer to it. The steam would hurt everyone around it...


or, we have to let it out from the inside in the form of explosion...because the pot simply can't contain
the pressure anymore...and "thar she blows..."


you have the right to be upset about your one possession that you truly treasure...it was broken and the

explanation of why it broke was NOT satisfactory and you were actually trying to talk yourself out of NOT getting annoyed by it
it seems...because you then tried to do other things to try to make yourself forget about it.


But then it just sits with us and then we think about it and we ask why wasn't the truth told when the story that was told
didn't make any sense at all...and that if the truth was told, it would've been much better....


then of course the spiral would come and then we work ourselves more into this oblivion of RED...

and once it gets to ALL red...WHAT BLACK AND WHITE???

Black and white actually means LOGIC...


black can mean yes(or no) and white can mean no (or yes)


1 or 0


on or off


logic...


WHAT LOGIC????????


What logic is there when we can't figure out HOW and WHY the camera broke?

WHERE is the logic when we cannot see beyond the red??


Who defined logic??


one interesting thing that are about humans are that we all tend to become illogical at times...

and you had an illogical moment...


was it a good moment, of course not....that ketchup bottle was your explosion from your pressure cooker...


it was a quick release...and then the red starts to fade and then the black and whites are back again...

and now, the guilt sets in...because we now can see why it WAS wrong...why it instilled fears into the ones we love...

and why we are now wanting to hurt ourselves even deeper...


and we feel like yellow rose wouldn't help....


But...


It does...in a way...


beyond the illogical...there is something that separates you from a mass murderer...

you are a truly compassionate person...


you DO care...and your family knows that...I am sure your wife knows that....


and while no, it won't CURE things..it IS a start...

we all need a start again dude...especially when we KNOW we love the ones we love and they love us back...

and then dialogues should open and communications should open and that is where we talk and then we hope and pray that
there is NO next time....*crossing fingers...


Dave, I got so angry at this grandkids ordeal last year that I went outside to kick a tree...

I kicked until I almost broke my foot...and I still kicked it...because I was soooo angry at what happened...


I STILL am...


our daughter has been making great strides and getting her life back in order...she's done a lot since all these has happened and
I so hope that she will stand on her own two feet soon...

but in the mean time...the damage HAS been done and I am having a hard time forgiving her...I've talked this over with moss many times and I thank

the heavens for her understanding and I beat myself up everyday for stewing over it...


the past few days have been even harder because everytime our grandkids act up, everytime they are crying or angry

I find myself being angry at our daughter...for what she has done...(illogical because I KNOW that she is trying really hard to change)

and I know that it'll take time...


And I just cannot figure out WHY I cannot stop feeling this way...


This is where I would come here and seek YOUR help (as well as others) because this IS where you would
see a clearer picture better than I could....


You DO have great insight and give great advice...but when you're the one in the fog...

don't forget that it's OK to have others shine some lights for you...and I am glad you are posting....


yellow roses won't solve your problems...but it will be a good start...to open some doors...


it will take some efforts...but I am sure you WILL make them...cause you ARE that type of person....


the type of person that has not lost ONE ounce of respect from me....but I have more admirations for you even more now because
of your willingness to share something so hard as this...

dude, be hard on yourself and then talk yourself out of it...we need both...to be hard so we'll try another way the next time...

and to forgive ourselves (which is the hardest thing to do) because if we don't...we'll actually
end up driving everyone around us away...because when we don't like ourselves, it makes it harder for others to love us....

((((BIG HUGS)))) dude...