Thanks for replying MrsD. I'm trying to push things along so it's probably my fault. I want to get rid of these obsessive thoughts and I was hoping that EMDR would help me to get to where I need to be. I'm only thinking about two things when I go in there and that's probably why it's so stimulating.

Friday we were planning what to work on next and she brought this memory up as one she feels we should come back to. I know she was right because just talking about it has caused some body memories to start up again.

Anyway, we're going to start it there again at our next session Friday and I am nervous already. I know you're supposed to let the processing happen and all that..but the pain I felt last time we did this really scared me. She said she's going to do her best to keep me grounded and get me out of my dissassociated state. I think I trust her more now so I think it will be okay, but I'm still scared. Although I don't really remember the pain at the time, it had to be horribly painful. I'll leave it at that, I don't want to trigger anyone.

I'm undecided whether I'm going to continue or not. I'm just finding it too triggering. But in talking to my t about it Friday I realized that I don't even remember how much of the memory I told her the last time we did EMDR. I don't really understand that but she didn't seem at all surprised by it.

She did tell me that these memories will never go away. I'll just be able to handle them and not let them consume me like they're doing now. I think my brain needs to be defragged.