Thank you everyone. I think I am going to be ok now that I have a better understanding of what is going on. I feel it is less scary now and I also believe there are ways to help prevent certain manic episodes from happening in the first place. Like I can sort of control it better since I am more educated. I have control over my anxiety attacks to the point, I can drink coffee and other caffeinated things with out having an attack. And if I do have an attack it is seldom, and very small and I do not freak out like i used to.

Thank you all for being so supportive to me and helpful. Thank you for sharing your stories with me and giving me information in which I really did need. I had no idea at one point of my life I went through delusions and some psychosis. And to go with out treatment and lose faith in medicine for years because of all the pain it has done to me. I have to tell you that it took a lot of guts for me to take that Lamictal with out worrying about it doing something strange to my body that may cause me to go nuts or scream bloody murder for no apparent reason. I was scared of having those break downs like I had last time. On zoloft and Ativan I got so panicky that I screamed for my mommy. I was 22. My step-father told me to Shut the H### up and grow up! That was so hurtful to me when he said that because I was so scared and he had no idea what it is like to feel what I was feeling. I was in so much pain that I could not cry. And my skin was turning yellow too. My mom saw my skin was yellow. That day forward I told myself Never take medicine again EVER!
I am glad I can trust medicine again. I feel there is hope again in my life.

Thank you all so much
Sharla