too depressed to go to see my councelor guy. and i wont be able to see him next tuesday due to veterans day (which is mikes birthday too)... my birthday is coming up too but im not excited about it at all.

ive been told i dont 'deserve' a birthday. multiple years in a row. so why get exited about this one? mikes family is close that they celebrate everyones birthday we just celebrated mike's sisters fiances birthday and hes only been 'in the family' for not even 6 months...but this will be my second birthday with mikes family and they wont even awknowlege it. I dont know I feel like my birthday should be the One day where I'm happy and people should be happy for/with me...i have a right to be selfish on my birthday...

but it never happens...I cant remember a birthday where I havent cried or been dissapointed.

and on top of all of that, i start work at cvs pharmacy soon, and the whole time ive been excited, but now im just upset. the hours they want me to work are terrible, ill never see mike, his birthday, my birthday and thanksgiving are all coming up and i doubt ill be able to take them off...its terrible imeven trying to take days off before i even start working.

but i know they wont be sympathetic to my depression or my anxiety.