Hi Melody,
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the candor and yeah, since I was raised in a household of alcoholics, you've certainly hit the co-dependency nail right on the head. Oh, I'ts good to feel understood.
I think I understand what your saying about changing how I react to him, and that I'm just surviving. You got that right also (wow, your very intuitive). Although It's not easy taking care of his mother, In many ways it's been beneficial for me. The distance from him helps me to step back a bit from the situation. The only thing is that I worry that I'm being too passive in his case since I've noticed he seems to be irrational at times. You know like, when he's trying to form an argument he ends up contradicting himself, but it seems to make perfect sense to him. The bad part is sometimes I wonder if it's him, or am I just confused?
But then I seem to be able to comprehend everybody else, so it must be him. . . right?
Oye!! it can drive a person nutty. Anyway, the real question is; where does my responsibility begin and end under these circumstances? As I said before, he's functional. Unless you took the time to really talk with him you wouldn't notice that he's not running on all 4 cylinders. When is a loved one supposed to intervene?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MelodyL
Hi. My name is Melody.
I'm taking this out of the post that you wrote:
"He hasn't modified his diet except for limiting sweets. He eats way too much red meat and carbs but no fruits or dairy. And in no way does he stick to a schedule. He eats usually only twice a day, "when he is hungry", but weighs at least 300 lbs. He drinks occasionally but when he does-he gets drunk. Also, he has insomnia which probably affects his ability to think clearly. I can call his Dr. and tell on him, but can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do at this point."
Unfortunately, you husband is a food addict and the result of this condition is that he weighs 300 lbs, which robs him of any energy, and has contributed to his health woes, WHICH DO NOT GET BETTER IF YOU CONTINUE TO WEIGH 300 LBS.
And the fact that he drinks and gets drunk, well what can I say. It's extremely destructive behavior.
You are to be commended for staying with him, for continuing to support him, and indeed, for taking care of his mother, WHEN HE WON'T HELP YOU DO IT.
(by the way, some would call this co-dependant behavior), but I really think you are doing what you need to do.
You are surviving by the way.
That's all one can do. Your husband is on a self-destruct course. You can't change him. You CAN however change how you react to him.
You must (if this is at all possible), think OF YOUR OWN HEALTH AND YOUR OWN NEEDS.
Not an easy thing given what you are going through.
It is NOT EASY when we have to stand by and witness a loved one slowly destroy themselves.
I myself have had to get that lightbulb moment. Only when I did, did I take my own life in my own hands and get HEALTHIER.
It's not a five minute, overnight quick fix. I had to get the support of nutritionist, I went on message boards, I went to support group meetings.
I had to finally understand that I MATTER.
Let me tell you one thing, honey.
YOU MATTER TOO!!!
Don't forget that.
I wish you well.
Love, Melody
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