CoffeeGirl,
I was first told I might have ms in Jan '03. I still do not have either a dx or ruled ms completely out - my neuro still thinks it's possible.

And I'm not telling you that to scare you, but so that you know that I get where you are. I was there. I was later dx'd with spinal issues C spine and syringomyelia in the T spine. Neither of those explained half my symptoms.

I was totally freaked for a long time. I cried, I raged, I got depressed. There is nothing wrong with you if you have crazy mixed up emotions, going through all of this, okay? Who wouldn't?

One day I looked at myself and decided I had not cried the first 40 years of my life, and I wasn't gonna spend the next 40 crying either.



I was gonna get up and do what I could today - and it was not as much as I used to be able to do - not 1/10 as much. But I'd do it.

I may have to do it not knowing why it hurts, why my parts don't work, but I am not going to waste my life waiting for that answer - the diagnosis. Thank goodness I did that, moved on. I would still be sitting on the couch waiting. Man would my butt be sore by now.



I still get mad, still cry at times. I still get depressed because I want to go garden for 10 hours like I used to but I can't.

~sigh~

It is what it is, and all things for a reason.

Thing is, I have learned a lot. For every thing I have lost, there are five things I have gained. And that is no joke girlfriend.

I never would have been slow enough to watch a butterfly before. And now, I know them all by name. I cannot work, but I can feed the hummingbirds, and that is priceless.

This is a hard time, I know, we all know. But you are stronger than you realize. You will find you way, the strentgh you use to fight your other battles, you'll fight this one with too. And there will be a time when you'll make peace, before or after the figure out what's wrong with you.


and - believe it or not - you may even forgive the dummies who did not believe you along the way.