((BJ)) You inspire me I know everything you say is true..Thank you

I am not sure why I have been fighting it? But, I have put in a call to a grief counselor. I have never been to any sort of therapy. I certainly respect it, and always advise others to get the help they need. But, hmmmm... it is different to admit you need the help yourself. I have always managed all life’s tragedies on my own, with help from friends, family and God. This pain, goes beyond my abilities. My coping skills were destroyed that day, and I simply don't know how to build them back up.

This past week, has been a sort of revolution for me. I have these overwhelming feelings that I must find a way to make my Dad's death seem less senseless. I feel a need to take steps to make sure doctors don't dismiss people when they admit they are depressed. I have a need to try to honor Dad's tortured soul, by fighting, by not letting this depression slowly and quietly eat away at me to the point it claims yet another life.

I want to do what I have always done when faced with tragedy, turn it into a way to help others. Again, I am not sure I am ready for this But, I DO know the only thing that has ever helped my soul heal, is in reaching out to help others fight the battle I am. A way to turn my pain, into a positive, it brings me comfort and healing.

I am talking a lot with our police chief. I live in a small town, I learned that in 2006 there were 6 deaths by suicide I knew of 3, and thought that was entirely too many!! I found out that last year, the town formed a coalition. Their goal was to raise awareness and to offer local mental health services. The closest place for us to go is about 45 minutes away. They now have a doctor one day a week in town, and they have held two seminars at the local library.

It is a start, but it has a long long way to go. Again, it is a small town, yet, I never heard of this coalition. Another .. I plan to join the coalition and see if I can change that *deep breath* ...... I want to do so much more. Only through awareness , breaking the silence, can there be prevention. I want to shatter that silence. There is nothing here for survivors, I want to change that as well.

For the first time in a long time, I feel a glimmer of hope...........