thank you all so much. My wanting to die has a lot to do with fear of money issues. Bobi you are probably right about my stopping smoking. It was such a crutch. I am now taking b right (a b complex) and b 12 which might help.
Time will help with the great loss of Snowy. It still doesn'[t seem real. I just had a wonderful conversation with my friend Suri in Israel. I told her an hour before I decided I had to thank God for the good and the bad that happens in my life. She said that was a wonderful attitude. She said that when she lost her first baby she immediately said a prayer of blessing. She said it felt right. I really don't understand what is happening to me. I don't know if i should find out about a group home. I spend so much time by myself...but to find the right group home. My friends tell me i have a lot of options. Spending my time hoping for a heart attack isn't fun lol.
Bobby