TIME FOR AN INSIGHT


16.02.93

I returned to work after breaking my back [2 lower vertebrae discs squashed]
i returned not because i felt 100% healthy, but for monetary reasons, debt, poverty, and the niavity that i could do something in the work place rather than sit at home and earn nothing, urged me to return,

On the day of my return i chose the night before[foolishly] to give up smoking and wore a nicotine patch to work. In i walked with a doctors note stating light duties and a mind full of enthusiasm to get back in the work saddle, i had been off work over 18 months.

upon my return i noticed my former role as foreman had been filled [understandably] but noticed very quickly the Doctors note was not given consideration. I was actually placed on the heaviest job in the factory.
It did not take long for me to wind myself up, and get very angry about the total lack of care or support from my employers and colleagues.

to cut a long story short, i left work stating a further sick note would follow, went home via a pub, consumed a lot of alcohol, and whilst my wife was in bed....practically severed my left hand............


In A+E [ER] I was treated with little sympathy, and was treated very discourteously [in the UK NHS staff see attempted suicide or self harm very poorly....time wasters..........do it properly save us a job of nursing you...attitude


A nurse actual said to me...'the only way too get on in life is to suffer in silence.'.. she was politely saying most people don't give a **** about your problems, they have their own.

I spent 9 days in hospital, my wife visited on the second day but not again...nobody else came...

My wife left our home with our then 10 month old son...her family had told her..... him or us.....

ALLTHOUGH MY FAMILY WERE INFORMED [WELL PARENTS]
NO ONE RANG...OR CONTACTED ME.


2 WEEKS LATER
My wife came home stating she could not understand my reasons but wanted to be with me...........her family remained silent much longer ....mother in law 7 months, brother in law 1 year...two sisters 2 years and father in law 26 months.........................


My father sent me a card saying hang in there after a fortnight
..i had a letter from my mother after three months, telling me to grow up take responsibility for my family and act like a man.

and a brother in law who told me i should have cut my throat and done the whole family a favour......................sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhh



Fifteen years on all my in-laws talk to me.......though not about what happened....it never happened and must not be discussed


My father is now dead.......... my mother...is happy to talk .............but not about emotional issues.........one brother talks if i phone him ..............the other 8 have not been seen or heard from since my fathers funeral in 1996.............


So for those who survive the other spectrum....life is not much easier.....the elephant is not in my room but remains in the rooms of others around me........


David