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Originally Posted by Nik-key
((BF)) I am sorry you are in such pain. Having to suffer with your conditions and not have your family backing you, must be very hard indeed. Your sister, I can't begin to know what drives her. I do imagine having MS is very trying on her, perhaps she has reached a stage where she too has had enough? Or if she isn't able to work due to her illness, perhaps she needs the extra income? I have no idea! I am just trying to find a way for her actions to make any sort of sense. Your Dad, well...... that makes even less sense to me. I wonder, have you ever tried to put your feelings to them in a letter? You write your feelings very well. Perhaps, this could make them understand what is happening to you? Maybe they could go with you to your doctors?
I was thinking the same thing David said, you have mentioned 9/11 several times as a turning point for you. Have you been able to talk with a therapist about this? I do hope your appointment is kept next Wednesday and that you are able to start feeling better.
Remember that saying I told you my Dad use to say to me? Hold your head up high, even if your neck is dirty..... we all have things that taint our psyche, we all have a little dirt... it is up to us to stand proud and hold our heads up high. I am sure everyone of us has been the talk of the town at one point. I know I have marrying a man 35 years my senior. But, I could care less! Didn't care then, and don't care now. You need to question yourself about why these peoples opinions would matter to you. I hope your therapist can help you with a lot of these issues, and that you can once again hold that head up high 
I keep coming back to your father.... it is beyond my comprehension that he wont help you. Did HE tell you this? Or is this something your sister said? Is there room for you where he lives? I am sure you could be a huge help to him. Perhaps you could talk with him again?
I am so glad to see you posting, though I may not be much help... I truly do care. Know you are not alone, we are all here for you |
Thank you Nik-Key. My dad is a former alcoholic,and he has been angry at the world,my uncle has told me. He doesn't want me to visit him for reasons that I don't know.
He has emailed me some things that point back to things that my sister has told him. I think that he is confused. His dad died 3 months before he was born around nineteen twenty,in the great flu plague. He had a hard time growing up,and went into WW Two when he was 21. He was in the Army Air Corp,now called the Air Force,and was honorably discharged when the war was over.
He has a hard time getting close to us. He lives in a assisted living facility now. I think that he's tired of seeing me this way. It may make him feel like a failure. I was sent to Military school,and a prep school for my reading problems. My reading problems,are probably my emotional problems. My Mother passed away recently of cancer. She also had MS,as my sister. My Grand Mother had ALS. He had a stroke around 2000,and has not been the same. He moved in with my sister,and he started speaking sharply to me again on the phone,when I lived in the capital city.
Am I saying to much? Please let me know. I don't want to loose any friends on here. Everyone else seems to give up on me. BF