Hello,

My name is Laura and I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in October 2008. It's been a shock and I read that it presents with trauma and infection -- both are true in my case.

I am interested in the fact that you state that "For years I looked for all kinds of things that could be causing my problems.In the last 5 years I have been to so many doctors I lost count.I have been diagnosed with RSD, Fibromialgia (which I dismissed immediately big mistake on my part) , Arthritis, Mitral valve prolapse,tackycardia, osteoporosis,Stomach ulcer,
IBS ( I think it's because of the meds I take)Anziety and probably a few others I can't think of now as my memory is not what it used to be."

I hear that my diagnosis is a "syndrome" so my pain sensitivity will not go away and neither will my exhaustion. You have successfully raised 4 children. You provide me courage. I ask you whether the pain and exhaustion in your life fluctuates given what you focus on. Mine does.

This fluctuation of perception leads me to believe at times I do not have the disease. I have difficulty focusing on my health and realizing that I am in a ill human body that others depend on to function -- including me!? Is this what happens with you at all?

I, too, was brought up to "get over it.Pull myself up by the boot straps, you know think right, act right and you will be alright.Mind over matter". I accept a spiritual aspect of this and the gift of knowing how human all of us are at times...but then I distance myself. I am so scared that now I cannot live the life I envisioned for myself; I am scared of "me".

But I do not stay this conscious at all times and fell when I read your statement "well I guess I am here today to admit that I need help." I live in rural WI, and I just moved here so it is hard to introduce myself and then have so many needs to want to "complain" about (health insurance that doesn't pay, dearth of deep friends, lack of interesting interactions). I would prefer to be in a position of giving.

I just contacted someone outside the home (for involvement in something called "Lifeline" that allows ill and elderly individuals to remain in their homes). I want to start volunteering, and perhaps obtain a paid position with health insurance. But its hard due to the fact that I don't want to see myself as so ill and vulnerable; I am married to someone who has MS and I am 39. This is all their is.

I am lucky to be able to participate in this community and hear of someone else's life who suffers similarly. Your post reminds me that I am human and OK.

Your note added something to my life because it encouraged me to acknowledge that I am not alone in wanting to disown this disease And that fear given vulnerability remains normal. I wish you continued energy to provide such a beautiful gift of emotional exchanges.

Take care and good luck! You are an incredibly special woman.

Laura