well, today we get on the plane to head out to ohio. all of my records are transfered to the cleveland clinic, and i have a place to stay while i await an appt to get in. it has been a huge roller coaster ride both emotionally and physically for me. steve has been my rock and i know it has been very hard for him as i go through so many changes. it is not a thing i am used to... support and dedication without strings atatched. but, here he is. not asking for anything from me in return. just being here helping, caring, and wanting the best for me. the unfamiliar is scary, yet just what i need.

this will be the last time i sit in this chair of what i feel has been a home to me for 10 years. after we close the door to this house, a new book will begin as the old one closes. things must change, it is in the air. it is time. and i am ready. i have no idea what will happen after today. i dont know what they will come up with in cleveland, nor the course of my journey after that. all i know is that God has something in mind for me and i am giving it all to Him and that is sufficient.

steve will keep you guys updated on my situation if i cant. thank you for your prayers. you guys have been a blessing to me. He does listen. thank you.

The Mountain

Standing beside the cold cinders
that once charred my thoughts,
I see a flame struggle to survive.
There is no air within my battered soul
To fuel it's desire to live.
Defeated, it pops in rebellion and fades away
Leaving me alone in silence.

I wander over to stir my remnants
and find nothing recognizable to claim.
The years I lived lay as dust,
Softly subdued upon the earth.
There is no need to mourn my loss
The emptiness holds no feeling

A gentle wind begins to waft round me.
Clearing the air of my old debris
to prepare the ground for sanctification.
I stand in awe as I watch His mighty hand
gathering my scattered ashes
to build a magnificent mountain.

The skies send a light to illuminate a cross
rising upon the crest of the hill.
My Lord is giving His life
for the one I have already spent.
The nails pounding into His omnipotence
send a flowing river of His blood
down the slope to where my feet rest.

I drop to my knees in humility
as I witness the immenseness of His sacrifice.
All of the questions I have asked in turmoil
have vanished in the light of His answer.
As the nourishment of His love heals my wounds,
His grace shows me my purpose.
I will search no longer.

The Lord has laid my path to heaven
and I will climb the mountain He built for me.
As my legs grow weary and cause me to stumble,
His love will strengthen my resilience
and guide me to the top of the hill
where I will enter His almighty gate.

©Laura J Dean