I think I have hit the end of the road with my career. Just a year ago the credit union I work for as the collector had the smallest delinquency rate in the state. Of course my kid CEO took all the credit, in my yearly review I was called too agressive with my right to cure letters and picking up repos. I was mad about that...but I backed off. Then what happens, our economy crashes and is burning as we speak. By the time I was told I was slacking and not performing my job as was expected I was buried in delinquencies, I was called on the carpet and dressed down and told my hours would only be necessary for 15 hours a week. That was a month ago, most of my job is outsourced now but I managed to keep myself at 32 hours a week. I got very emotional and cried alot of tears, I have always excelled in the workplace.
This morning I was late coming into work, my daughter called hysterical that she thought my grandson had relapsed with his leukemia, I went to the clinic to be with them and I am thanking God tonight that my grandson only has chicken pox. I get to work and my supervisor has been pacing because I didn't show up for the 8:00 meeting I didn't know we were having. It was my yearly review, I was told I was careless, disorganized, shied away from interactions with my co-workers, didn't show up in the evening for employee gatherings, but I am a vauled employee and I have built strong relationships with the members......I sat and cried, they value me? I told him I didn't think so, and then he drops the bomb that new guy has been promoted to VP of Collections. I called my neuro on my lunch hour, still waiting for the return call, but I think its time to cut to the chase and go out on disability. THE STRESS IS AWFUL-in the last month I've started to have my little toe ache but when I touch it no pain, the pads of my feet ache all the time. I fell and did splits going into a store two weeks ago and my back is agony, rolling out of bed in the morning is a real feat. I wake up two hours before I shower so I can get my cocktail of drugs down so I can stand in the shower and drag myself of to work, in fact I don't think I could work without them. I'm not a candidate for a new hire anywhere else and frankly I hate going to my job, I keep feeling the axe is going to fall. I can't afford to quit, unless my neuro takes me out of service, then I have disability insurance and then head off to fight for SSI. This is not where I saw myself at 52, I am sad, hurt, angry, and I can't get anyone to understand chronic pain. I told my boss that once I finish dinner and sit down the burn begins and there is no way I can go bowling, watch Monday night football, etc.......I am wiped out and yet my raise was dinged b/c I don't go. I will miss a couple of people, but frankly I am working in the worst chemistry I've ever come across and it's toxic as all get out.
Okay, I have vented, now I just need you all to tell me I am doing the right thing by walking away from the work force and focusing on family and health. Just give me your input, I could use a friend or two...right now. Thanks all my partners in pain!!!!