These areas of self esteem can change daily.
I find that they can change with different people and situations....
Lets say I am around an agressive person, this makes me uncomfortable and anxious and want to leave....I feel my safety area is threatened even if this doesn't involve me....perhaps it is negative energy that I try to avoid. But it doesn't make me very tolerant of other people....

I have told you about my narcisitic neighbor who is very controlling, agressive and I am embarressed to be with her in public situations. You never know what she is going to say and I am always on guard with her now...this makes me very unhappy to be around her, there is no joy...I feel an obligation now because I feel sorry for her, and she is alone since her husband passed away, no family, hardly any friends and I had been a close person to her when harry passed away. She has guns at the house and is a suicide risk, it is coming upon a year that he passed away. She said that she was giving it a year.....
Now I am changing my mind and am backing away from her and I feel guilty for this....we are all suppoesd to be " christ like".
At first I felt like I was challenging myself to try to accept a different personality type and try to be around/accepting of her......but this is crazy thinking. Why would I do this to myself.

WE have ajoining symphony seats so may have to sit with her again, she has backed out on a couple of occasions...she has hosted a couple of dinners before hand...now I feel we should offer for the next concert and I am definately not up to that. Perhaps if we did have her over we could not serve any alcohol which is a problem in her case, her behavior gets worse as she drinks....and what if she brought over a bottle of wine ...I just thought of that....

I wish I did not feel guilty over this....and many other emotions as well.

~sigh

bizi