I'm definitely familiar with the feelings you describe, FM. My PC has been trying to get me to see a therapist for quite some time now, but I've been afraid it would just be an experience like the ones you had.

It's really a shame that with the system you're in, you have no choice of which therapist to use. It seems to me that this alone would cause the therapists to be less sympathetic and accommodating to your specific personal needs.

I wish I knew some answer to give you which would empower you to do away with your negative feelings. Heck, I wish I knew that answer for myself. All I can say is that I wish you the best in your attempts to solve your dilemma, and hope that you find some measure of true happiness again.