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Originally Posted by hippiechick
I don't know what's wrong with me....okay, yeah, I'm good at giving the pep talks...not so good at listening to myself, I guess. I HATE this season...everything about it. I'm crying almost non-stop lately and I don't like it because usually I can hold it all in; it's just that right now, for some reason, I can't seem to. I hate the whole "family" thing....I'm looking ackwards over life rather than forward because I don't see anything in front of me. I mean, the past wasn't great, but I just wish for a couple of things and 1 person; how simple is that??? There's just too much to think about and I try my best to not think. Hubby and I went to his big family dinner for Thanksgiving and that day was ok; I didn't go out of the house for the rest of the weekend. Yesterday I started taking meds which make me sleep just so I don't have to think anymore. I just think that it'll maybe be better if I can hang on until the middle of January and then all this family junk can be behind me. Why can't I just get on with things and cherish this time that I have rather than waste it like this? I mean, I know it isn't fair to hubby and that makes me sad because he deserves the world. Our son and dil have very little communication with us, for some reason. They keep our grandkids away and that has, more than once, torn my heart out. I don't let myself get close to them anymore. I love them to death, but I won't get close. I love out son but don't understand anything anymore....I can't even write anymore because this probably isn't making any sense and I can't stop crying. Sorry to be such a downer tonight.
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I understand allot of what you are going through. At one time in my life,I felt like a book that was ripped in half. The second half of that book was my future. I felt like It was lost. It was a strange feeling,and it's hard to explain. I lost all perception of the future. I could see all of my past,and remembered the past. This caused me turmoil when it first happened. The future will unfold day,by day,so don't be troubled.
I also have been alone because of the way I perceive that other people are thinking about me. My condition was not understood when I was growing up. I was mistreated in many situations. Because of that I feel uncomfortable around other people also.
This time of the year is also cold,gray,and the dark comes so early. Many people feel depressed this time of year.
I asked another friend on the forum to please read Isaiah chapters 41-46. These chapters in the Bible talk about our future,and many other comforting words. Please read those chapters. I believe it will ease your pain a bit. BF
