dear mistiis,
almost 9 years ago, when I first appeared on the SOS forum back at the old place...you were one of the first ones to open your arms to me.
I remembered our little group back then that evolved into a huge family....
in all these years, even during the times that you were MIA, I've seen such strength in you that have developed (not that you didn't have any in the first place, but it just got stronger and stronger) and you are definitely one of my heroes.
you say things so well that often reflect exactly what I wanted to say, so I'll just let your post speak for me as I steal it from you. LOL
so many faces of suicide like David has stated, and it is so wonderful to hav this home to hopefully address all of it...or at least do the best we all can to speak from our minds...
I can totally see how you would all of a sudden bow out of that conversation...
yet, I believe deep in my heart that you have opened the doors...
sometimes, the instant reaction may not be what we wanted but I am sure it made an impression in their minds.
Sometimes, situations doesn't allow us to ask questions or discuss questions immediately.
And sometimes, it requires more thinking that will lead to the "eureka" moment...
it's like for me. When I was younger and brash and impertinent, there would be folks that would say things to me that I would brush off...
but I must tell you, I always retain it and it is later on in life, that all of a sudden, something that someone would say would "click" in my head and then:
"EUREKA!" I GOT IT!!"
I was always happy to have those little eureka moments that the only thing I'd hated about it was that it would take so many years to sink in...
but sunk in they did and once they are sunk, they are sunk...
the wise has always been there...it just takes time for the dumb ones like me to get it sinked in....
****warm fuzzies**** (I remember when you would do this and I would joke to myself about sending you warm Scudzies (missles) LOL )
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistiis
well, alrighty then, lets talk about it.....First, I would like to draw attention to BMW's new signature...it has a lot of significance....finding our voice can be the difference between life, and death. For others, as well as ourselves. A truer word could not be said. Yes, I realize that some of us have had the experience of finding our voice, finally, only, sadly, to not be heard, understood, or gotten the needed help. But that is another issue.
I hope this will make sense, as I will try to just run through it, as I have lost several very well thought out posts that took me a long time to write.  
Many of us have 'boogey men' in the closet. We don't know when he, it, or they, will jump out and trigger responses that we don't understand. Why?? Partly because we don't face them. Why?? Because of fear. Fear also comes in many guises, and wears many faces from societal issues to family issues. I am going to try not to get lost here....
The boogey man in the closet can be traumatic childhood experiences...running the full spectrum from sheer terror to fears of expression that result from interactions with adults in our lives. When not resolved they sit in the closet. And when the closet gets 'opened' if they are piled up, and there are many of them, they fall out. They are hard to look at. They are not pretty. They are not fun to pick up and look at. Yet, if we do not, they will pop out at us at unexpected moments in our life. Moments will arrive that will be conducive to dealing with them, if we are open to it. That does not mean that it will be easy.
The boogey man can consist of those stigmas. Like the ones that males face. I have typed a long post on this and will post it in another thread. We have several now going on this 'elephant'...I hope that it doesn't become confusing. Moi, thank you for starting this thread. You are so honest, and open, it really helps.
I am trying to get to the 'why' we don't reach out, and the 'why' we have those thoughts and feelings in the first place. I realize that I have to come from my perspective since those are the lenses that I see through. There are places in our feelings where we 'meet'...all of us do...
I think there are too many possible answers to those why questions to try to answer in one post.
I had an interesting experience at our Thanksgiving table. One that has me quite disturbed. Someone brought up the incident of the young man who commited suicide online. Well, I had been reading about it, so naturally, I became involved in the conversation. I had a lot to say. But, because of the reaction of those around the table, I found myself unable to say what I would have liked to. The attitudes shocked me. They shocked me into silence. And, once again, into my own little world. My children, and my brothers and sisters do not know about my past. They don't know about my suicide attempt at the age of 12. They don't know about my past trauma as a very young child. They know only very little about the suicide attempt that I made while in the hospital, due to psychosis from a non-functioning thyroid that went un-diagnosed. And I'm not sure they realize how close they came to losing me. According to statistics I am very 'fortunate' to be alive.
OK, I am running on.....its hard to communicate when there are emotional walls of anykind. They can be really hard to break through. But, the good thing is, that once you begin to break through that wall, it seems, to become easier to do it.
Moi, I am with you on the quiet type. I don't tell people when I am battling with suicidal thoughts, but I am becoming better at it. At least, we can come here. I guess, when you are a survivor....you learn 'how' to survive better. And I think that we have been given a gift. And I think that when we receive a gift it is nice to pass it on. Especially when it is the gift of life. A gift we were given......before we could help pass it on in this way. Lighting each other's candles...I like that graphic....
Ok...I don't know how this will come out. I am not going to take the time to check it, or I might lose it.....  |