examine life's tapestry...find yourself there....

My mother and my father's marriages were arranged and they were miserable:

YET, IF that didn't happen, I wouldn't be here today...(although I don't want to be "HERE" sometimes...these days, I am often glad that I am here, the reasons to follow)

11 years ago, I owned a small business. It was one of those times that I was in transition. I didn't wanted to work for anyone, and I didn't wanted to grow up. I put the two and two together and I opened up a video games store.

It was not overly successful and I did OK...I can remember during that time that I knew that I wasn't going to run the store forever, I was searching and looking for myself and wondering about my life and what I would do...

I had a customer that would come in, he was a very nice dude but always was quiet. He worked at a local restaurant that I'd go sometimes and we'd chat whenever he was my server.

one day, he told me he was getting his webTV to get on the internet. He'd like to learn HTML and do something with computers.

He asked me if I could drive him to the Best Buy (we didn't have a Best Buy back then at the town I lived in so it was about an hour away)

I took him and ended up picking up an iMAC for myself.

I got on line that night and voila, I was on the net. The rest was history....

if it weren't for that woven part, I would've never have met so many awesome folks both on line and in person. I would've never had met Moss, the love of my life (although I never had the intention of meeting someone on the internet!!)

and if it weren't for that matter, I am not sure if I'd still be alive today.

9 years ago, I went bowling with my league. It was our 10th game, it was important. I went and I was at my rarest form. I was cracking people up left and right and I was laughing and joking and I was singing and dancing...

like a fool...

many a times that night, folks would come up to me and say to me: "Hey, I had such a great time tonight, thank you"

I'd smiled big right back at them...

I wanted them all to remember me that way....

that was the night that I was going to end it all...

I went home...and I was ready to go...

somehow, I must have left some signals privately to some very close friends:

moss, Lara, and dear Tam.

The three of them living in three different States(Lara, being from Australia, at a total different continent, actually) got on ICQ and discussed that there might have been a possibility that it was that night.

No, I didn't threaten them with anything, but I am sure there were enough signals...

so when I got home, 2 cops were at my door...

they were concerned...someone had called them to "alert" them...

I was very angry, I denied it all...

I didn't know who told them....

long story short...I found out later...but by then, I was nothing but grateful....

that tiny tapestry saved my life...that was before I had found the SOS forum..

few months later, I was at the SOS forum...

the reason why I arrived there?

The chatrooms crashed for over a week...I had nothing better to do so I started reading the forums...

and there it was..."Survivors of Suicide"

out of curiousity, I started to lurk...I learned about Pter, Alpho, mistiis(who had another name back then) reyn, scrabbly,wren, Lara, and later on Addy, doody, ducky and moss, goofy, and curious...

I read and I was very afraid to post....but I did, finally...

the first one to welcome me was Alpho...(the Alpho became our long running joke about Alpo, the dog food due to Alpho's typos. LOLOL)

and til these days, seeing these names here (and one of them besides me every night. LOL) warms my heart.

Then, the host of that SOS forum crashed, moved twice, got heavily moderated, some were banned, moved on, moved out...

then, Doc opened this one for us and then all these awesome new folks came about...

if any of those times would've gone "ka-put" it would've been ka-put

if between the last SOS forum and this SOS forum, Doc John had decided that he wasn't going to give us a home, I wouldn't be here...

I wouldn't have been to the GTG in Ga a couple of days ago.

Nobody would've come to our weeding...

Tapestries woven....

each thread came just at the right time...even when the moments seemed bleak and desparate...

some how, the threads came through and was woven tight...

to finally, a warm blanket envelops over all of us...keeping our hearts warm beneath the gentle hands that weaved it...